在經歷了我經歷過的一些最黑暗的時刻之後，我的生活現在發生了變化。 | Kenvin - 高清線上看 | 4Love

Kenvin - 在經歷了我經歷過的一些最黑暗的時刻之後，我的生活現在發生了變化。 | Kenvin - 高清線上看 | 4Love

My life now has changed after going through some of the darkest moments I’ve ever experienced. I’ve developed a fear—of almost everything. I’m afraid of meeting new people, afraid of society, afraid of communicating with others. Some of you might think I’m exaggerating just to get attention or sympathy. But the truth is, this fear is invisible. It’s like depression—you can’t always tell the difference between what is normal, what is sadness, and what is overwhelming pressure. Even when I sleep, I have nightmares. I keep reliving those terrifying days… the things that happened in the past. I’m scared. Truly scared. Maybe losing so many things that I couldn’t protect has made me feel like a complete failure. I’ve become more negative because I honestly don’t know how to escape from all of this. I’ve tried so hard, but it feels like I just can’t. The word that haunts me the most now is “Report.” That single word terrifies me. It drains everything I’ve worked for. It fills me with fear. It knocks me down. To put it simply, imagine working for seven months, even a whole year, saving every penny you earn. Then one day, you receive a notification saying “Reported.” In an instant, everything you’ve worked so hard for is gone. You still have your life, your dreams, your plans for the future… but somehow none of them seem to matter anymore, because everything else has already been taken away. Everything is truly gone. Sometimes I even wonder if my own existence is still necessary. But I’m afraid of hurting myself. I don’t have the courage to do that. Right now, I’m just trying to survive, taking one day at a time, waiting for whatever comes next. I’m tired. I’m truly, deeply tired. 在經歷了我經歷過的一些最黑暗的時刻之後，我的生活現在發生了變化。 我對幾乎所有事物都產生了恐懼。我害怕認識新朋友，害怕社會，害怕與他人交流。 你們有些人可能認為我誇大其詞只是為了引起注意或同情。但事實是，這種恐懼是看不見的。這就像憂鬱症一樣——你總是無法區分什麼是正常的、什麼是悲傷的、什麼是壓倒性的壓力。 即使我睡覺的時候，我也會做惡夢。我不斷重溫那些可怕的日子……過去發生的事。我很害怕。真的很害怕。 也許失去了太多我無法保護的東西讓我感覺自己徹底失敗了。我變得更加消極，因為老實說我不知道如何擺脫這一切。我已經很努力了，但感覺就是做不到。 現在最令我難忘的字是「報告」。 這一個字讓我感到害怕。它耗盡了我為之努力的一切。這讓我充滿恐懼。它讓我崩潰。 簡單地說，想像工作七個月，甚至一整年，把賺到的每一分錢都存起來。然後有一天，您收到一則通知，上面寫著「已檢舉」。剎那間，你辛苦爭取的一切都化為烏有了。 你仍然拥有你的生活、你的梦想、你对未来的计划……但不知何故，它们似乎都不再重要了，因为其他一切都已经被夺走了。 一切都真的消失了。 有時我甚至懷疑自己的存在還有必要嗎？但我害怕傷害自己。我沒有勇氣這麼做。 現在，我只是努力生存，一天一天地度過，等待接下來發生的一切。 我累了。 我真的很累。